Not the Onion, I Swear!

but the venerable TPM:

Christ and AquaMan could beat John McCain this fall

...in a poll commissioned by Jerry Falwell's Liberty University, one further poll shows Jesus Christ, were he the Democratic candidate for President this fall, would defeat McCain by the largest margin yet, 73-24. Christ, the poll indicates, would not only run particularly strongly in the South, but reaches deeply into McCain's Republican base, attracting the great majority of evangelical voters, while also holding onto antiwar voters in the Democratic base, given his preaching to "turn the other cheek" and his promotion of politically controversial commandments, including not killing one's fellow man.

...

Third, Rasmussen Reports, which polled on a yet wider range of subjects has determined that Marvel Comics superhero Aqua-Man (TM) holds a narrower but statistically significant national lead over McCain, 53-44, with his strength coming from coastal states, and those with marshes and navigable waterways, though McCain leads Aqua-Man by large margins in the more arid intermountain West and upper Great Plains.



I'm thinking a Christ/AquaMan Dream ticket!!