Obituary Corrections

Brian [2:11 PM]:
i wish i knew how to crack web sites
then i could change this obit: EMMA BEALE The angels came to the home of Emma Beale, 61, of Alkol, Lincoln County, to take her to be with her Lord Jesus on Saturday, February 9, 2008.
to: EMMA BEALE The angels came to the home of Emma Beale, 61, of Alkol, Lincoln County, and KILLED HER on Saturday, February 9, 2008.

I think it should be more like:
EMMA BEALE The angels came to the home of Emma Beale, 61, of Alkol, Lincoln County, to take her to be with her Lord Jesus on Saturday, February 9, 2008. Unfortunately, Jesus knew all about her secret gambling addiction, internet white slave trafficing and that roll of butterscotch life savers she stole from Mr. Bitter's Corner Emporium when she was 4. He passed judgement damning her immortal soul for longer than the universe has existed. Even with the possibility of last-moment redemption so close, she condemmed herself to the Lake of Eternal Fire by noting that Jesus perpetually seeping wounds made him look kind of "hunky" and wondered if that was the "rough trade" she'd heard tell about. Her soul will bake for 10 billion years in the lake before being transfered to the Beach of Flaying and Scraping in what is know in the 4th circle as "standard punishment 7". A Memorial will be held at Saint Albert the Great on Sunday, 2-4pm. In lieu of flowers, the family asks that contributions be made to the United Way and the Knights of Columbus. Glory!