I once wrote the shortest, cruelest, employee evaluation ever. It was for an older employee who was trying to "break into" the software programming business at age 60. After a year of futile attempts to write programs, he came up for evaluation. The sum total of my comments follows, verbatim:
D.N.R.
----- Original Message -----
From:
Sent: Friday, August 17, 2007 7:50 PM
Subject: FW: Evals
Date: Mon, 13 Aug 2007 09:56:49 -0700F
These are actual quotes taken from Federal Government employee >performance>evaluations...
1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has>started to dig."
>>2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."
>>3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be."
>>4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a>trap."
>>5. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
>>6. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
>>7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve>them."
>>8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
>>9. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better."
>>10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all tog>ether."
>>11. "A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."
>>12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."
>>13. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."
>>14. "Takes him 2 hours to watch '60-minutes'."
>>15. "He's been working with glue too much."
>>16. "He would argue with a sign post."
>>17. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."
>>18. "One neuron short of a synapse."
>>19. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."
>>20. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."
>>21. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."
>>22. "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."
>>23. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."
>>24. "He's got two brains cells, one is lost and the other is out looking for it."
>>25. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."
>>26. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get c hange.">
>27. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."
>>28. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."
>>29. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."
>>30. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Friday, August 17, 2007
Second Life Homes
The NYT takes up Second Life home design. Personally, thats why I particiapte in SL at all. I enjoy building, designing and selling homes and, frankly, I dont have enough liquid cash in RL to take the exposure you have when working with real homes. I have made a minor business out of buying, improving and selling properties, just profitable enough for me to build the next one.
It's nice to finally have a hobby that doesn't involve counting aces and 10s.
It's nice to finally have a hobby that doesn't involve counting aces and 10s.
"Verily, verily, I say unto thee that thine energy is as thine mass times the speed of light multiplied unto itself."
... things Jesus should have said if he wanted me to believe.
This is an excellent essay, pointed out to me by another Pastafarin, Brian.
Interestingly, the theist response is completely based on the logic of proving negatives, e.g. prove Jesus didn't exist, prove all religions are false etc.
This is an excellent essay, pointed out to me by another Pastafarin, Brian.
Interestingly, the theist response is completely based on the logic of proving negatives, e.g. prove Jesus didn't exist, prove all religions are false etc.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Fun with Wiki!
From the always wonderful, Wonkette!
...some rakish Wikipedia vandal erases the entire entry for Harry Potter and replaces it with “Snape is the half-blood prince and kills Dumbledore.” This hilarious prankster’s IP address was logged, as in all Wikipedia edits, and it turns out it came from the Republican Party of Minnesota. This is just one of the many little treats revealed by a new site that lists all edits made by any organization you can think of whose offices have internet access. Wired is tracking the better ones, and here are some of our favorites...
Wired's list here
I have to admit, it 's a little more bi-partisan than I thougth it would be.
...some rakish Wikipedia vandal erases the entire entry for Harry Potter and replaces it with “Snape is the half-blood prince and kills Dumbledore.” This hilarious prankster’s IP address was logged, as in all Wikipedia edits, and it turns out it came from the Republican Party of Minnesota. This is just one of the many little treats revealed by a new site that lists all edits made by any organization you can think of whose offices have internet access. Wired is tracking the better ones, and here are some of our favorites...
Wired's list here
I have to admit, it 's a little more bi-partisan than I thougth it would be.
The Same Color Illusion
A little mind-blowing...
In case you were wondering, one of the guys at work shows they are, in fact, the same.
wiggy!
In case you were wondering, one of the guys at work shows they are, in fact, the same.
wiggy!
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Moved
I finally completed my move this weekend, collecting all the stuff I've had in various forms of storage for the past 18-60 months, and putting it in one condo. It's a very nice 1200, penthouse in Belltown, exactly 12 feet above the apartment Microsoft corporate housing had placed me in.
I've started to purge stuff, but I have found all sorts of unexpected surprises including:
My old Astronomy 101/201 lectures (still good!)
Old photos from different phases of my life
A whole cache of Geoff's baby pictures (birth -> 8 years old)
An unopened box (still sealed in myler) of 3rd Issue Magic the Gathering cards (circa 1994)
A whole cache of old MtG decks I had built.
A full set of calaphon cookware
Old art I made at the beginning of my art career.
A custom tailored, blue sport coat I had made in 1995 (not even close to fitting but I did salvage the gold buttons)
A bunch of King Richard's Faire stuff I bought in the mid-90s, including an elvish looking wool cloak (itchy), a pirate shirt (moth eaten), a vest (colorful but now ill fitting), and an elf-hat.
Tax returns galore!
An old Galactic Cannibles T-Shirt from my grad-school softball team.
Diplomas from Penn State (B.S. Astronomy) and Seoul National University (Ph.D. in Mathematics)
Stock Certificates from Kurzweil AI, CertCo and Lernout and Hauspie (all defunct).
My original offer letter from the University of Massachusettes.
Pictures of various New Years Eve and Superbowl Parties from when I lived on Ringgold Street.
An unopened card from my mother dating back to the late 90's
Pictures of my Grandfather (now deceased 20 years).
Pictures of the $10,100 home my then sister-in-law purchased for our small family in Altoona.
My stone from Old Main at Penn State (chipped out of the foundation of the building during a drunken binge in 1985, this thing weighs 30 lbs if an ounce).
My ancient Bose speakers.
Insulin with an expiration date of Nov. 1988
A picture of me from my brief (2 session) modeling career at UMass.
Old computer programs from the VAX.
Ugly, ugly shirts from a time in my life when I had even *less* style than I do now.
A box of Christmas Presents for my sister I never sent (they are from Tiffany's and I'm going to send them this weekend).
more as boxes get unpacked...
I've started to purge stuff, but I have found all sorts of unexpected surprises including:
My old Astronomy 101/201 lectures (still good!)
Old photos from different phases of my life
A whole cache of Geoff's baby pictures (birth -> 8 years old)
An unopened box (still sealed in myler) of 3rd Issue Magic the Gathering cards (circa 1994)
A whole cache of old MtG decks I had built.
A full set of calaphon cookware
Old art I made at the beginning of my art career.
A custom tailored, blue sport coat I had made in 1995 (not even close to fitting but I did salvage the gold buttons)
A bunch of King Richard's Faire stuff I bought in the mid-90s, including an elvish looking wool cloak (itchy), a pirate shirt (moth eaten), a vest (colorful but now ill fitting), and an elf-hat.
Tax returns galore!
An old Galactic Cannibles T-Shirt from my grad-school softball team.
Diplomas from Penn State (B.S. Astronomy) and Seoul National University (Ph.D. in Mathematics)
Stock Certificates from Kurzweil AI, CertCo and Lernout and Hauspie (all defunct).
My original offer letter from the University of Massachusettes.
Pictures of various New Years Eve and Superbowl Parties from when I lived on Ringgold Street.
An unopened card from my mother dating back to the late 90's
Pictures of my Grandfather (now deceased 20 years).
Pictures of the $10,100 home my then sister-in-law purchased for our small family in Altoona.
My stone from Old Main at Penn State (chipped out of the foundation of the building during a drunken binge in 1985, this thing weighs 30 lbs if an ounce).
My ancient Bose speakers.
Insulin with an expiration date of Nov. 1988
A picture of me from my brief (2 session) modeling career at UMass.
Old computer programs from the VAX.
Ugly, ugly shirts from a time in my life when I had even *less* style than I do now.
A box of Christmas Presents for my sister I never sent (they are from Tiffany's and I'm going to send them this weekend).
more as boxes get unpacked...
And He Build a Crooked House
For those few of you who a) aren't furries but b) have a passing interest in Second Life, I have finally designed and built a house from the ground up.
Kings Bishop (80,80)
Also, I am selling non-existant land for non-existant Linden Dollars and make a real US$ profit:
Bundz (224,96)
Kings Bishop (80,80)
Also, I am selling non-existant land for non-existant Linden Dollars and make a real US$ profit:
Bundz (224,96)
Warrior Forge
I picked him up at Fort Lewis on Friday. He did well, is in good shape and pretty excited about his future career. They must have exhausted him because he slept for 5 hours once I got him home, despite the hub-bub of moving. He's also told me he slept 15 hours the first night back.
He left me a cache of all his pictures from the camp, which I'll post up or host this evening. (unless he beats me too it).
All in all, it was pretty good. I have to admit, I thought it was a bit of a rubber stamp, but cadets were dropped as late as the day before graduation. He told me the tale of "Scrunchy" a "guy in his troop who had been enlisted in another branch before and was being a jerk to his teammates the whole time. He failed Land Navigation four times and was on his final attempt the day before graduation. He was lost, naturally, and asked another cadet (to whom he was a jerk) for help and was refused. "Please, you gotta help! If I fail out, I'll have to go live with my Mom!" Poor Scrunchy.
Their training also included "cultural awareness" which caused me to raise an eyebrow. He explained,
Geoff: "Well, they had to after what happened last year. See, we do these role play exercises where privates and other enlisted pretend to be civilians in villages. We are given a mission, say, capture a terrorist, and we have to work with the "civilians" to achieve the objective. There are a lot of variables and so sometimes the missions change mid-way through, and the privates are generally jerks to us, so they love it.
Apparently last year one of the cadets was a little too "gung ho" with one of the sessions. A private was playing the part of a village elder and the cadet was supposed to persuade him into giving up some information on the position of some insurgents. The cadet was rude and obnoxious so the private wouldn’t tell him what he wanted to know. The cadet solved the problem by putting a bag over his head and mock-executing him!"
Me: "wow!"
Geoff: "The cadet was expelled and off the base in under two hours, which is pretty impressive since they were deep in the wilderness."
Me:"hahahahaha"
Geoff: "And now we have to have cultural awareness training instead of hand grenade training"
Me: "actually, it's the same. These are just verbal grenades"
Also, his camp was called "Warrior Forge" which made me think of something Klingon. Geoff noted that this was the latest in a string of continually improving names.
Geoff: "It started as Summer Camp"
Me: "Where you made wallets?"
Geoff: "Exactly! so they improved the name in the '90s"
Me: "Kamp Krusty?"
Geoff: "no, to Adventure Camp"
Me: "hahahahahahahahahahaha sounds like it ought to have a water slide and a man in a Batman costume"
Geoff: "So you see, Warrior Forge is actually a huge improvement..."
He left me a cache of all his pictures from the camp, which I'll post up or host this evening. (unless he beats me too it).
All in all, it was pretty good. I have to admit, I thought it was a bit of a rubber stamp, but cadets were dropped as late as the day before graduation. He told me the tale of "Scrunchy" a "guy in his troop who had been enlisted in another branch before and was being a jerk to his teammates the whole time. He failed Land Navigation four times and was on his final attempt the day before graduation. He was lost, naturally, and asked another cadet (to whom he was a jerk) for help and was refused. "Please, you gotta help! If I fail out, I'll have to go live with my Mom!" Poor Scrunchy.
Their training also included "cultural awareness" which caused me to raise an eyebrow. He explained,
Geoff: "Well, they had to after what happened last year. See, we do these role play exercises where privates and other enlisted pretend to be civilians in villages. We are given a mission, say, capture a terrorist, and we have to work with the "civilians" to achieve the objective. There are a lot of variables and so sometimes the missions change mid-way through, and the privates are generally jerks to us, so they love it.
Apparently last year one of the cadets was a little too "gung ho" with one of the sessions. A private was playing the part of a village elder and the cadet was supposed to persuade him into giving up some information on the position of some insurgents. The cadet was rude and obnoxious so the private wouldn’t tell him what he wanted to know. The cadet solved the problem by putting a bag over his head and mock-executing him!"
Me: "wow!"
Geoff: "The cadet was expelled and off the base in under two hours, which is pretty impressive since they were deep in the wilderness."
Me:"hahahahaha"
Geoff: "And now we have to have cultural awareness training instead of hand grenade training"
Me: "actually, it's the same. These are just verbal grenades"
Also, his camp was called "Warrior Forge" which made me think of something Klingon. Geoff noted that this was the latest in a string of continually improving names.
Geoff: "It started as Summer Camp"
Me: "Where you made wallets?"
Geoff: "Exactly! so they improved the name in the '90s"
Me: "Kamp Krusty?"
Geoff: "no, to Adventure Camp"
Me: "hahahahahahahahahahaha sounds like it ought to have a water slide and a man in a Batman costume"
Geoff: "So you see, Warrior Forge is actually a huge improvement..."
Thursday, August 09, 2007
Quiz Time
First, I took this:
Not surprising, I thougth it would come out about there
Then this:
I think the test is a mess. I could only find one thing I agreed with and then only in part. If those statements are representive of the true state of the GOP, they are dead already.
And this:
This was almost completely a set of questions about personal choice, and I beleive the more more choice the better. That it applied to women was incidental to my answers.
I'm not sure that qualifies me as a "feminist" as much as it would a "libertarian".
Then this!
I like cooking! It's like chemistry you can eat afterwards. Safely. Without bugs crawlign under your skin. Usually.
(via)
| You Are 52% Democrat |
 You aren't a full fledged Democrat yet, but it's likely the party that fits you best. You probably consider yourself an independent Democrat. You usually support the party, but you also think for yourself! |
Not surprising, I thougth it would come out about there
Then this:
You Are 4% Republican |
 If you have anything in common with the Republican party, it's by sheer chance. You're a staunch liberal, and nothing is going to change that! |
I think the test is a mess. I could only find one thing I agreed with and then only in part. If those statements are representive of the true state of the GOP, they are dead already.
And this:
| You Are 91% Feminist |
 You are a total feminist. This doesn't mean you're a man hater (in fact, you may be a man). You just think that men and women should be treated equally. It's a simple idea but somehow complicated for the world to put into action. |
This was almost completely a set of questions about personal choice, and I beleive the more more choice the better. That it applied to women was incidental to my answers.
I'm not sure that qualifies me as a "feminist" as much as it would a "libertarian".
Then this!
| You Are a Learning Cook |
 You've got the makings of an excellent cook, and the desire to be one. But right now, you're just lacking the experience. You couldn't be a top chef yet, but you could be an apprentice. |
I like cooking! It's like chemistry you can eat afterwards. Safely. Without bugs crawlign under your skin. Usually.
(via)
Progress in the Containment of Anti-Matter
Cool!
HiPAT is part of the incremental work that needs doing as we build the capacity to create more antimatter and store it efficiently. But there are other storage approaches, as exemplified by the work of Japanese researcher Masaki Hori. Currently working at the Max-Planck-Institute of Quantum Optics, Hori wants to change the paradigm by using radio frequency waves rather than magnetic fields to store anti-protons. He calls his device a ’superconducting radiofrequency quadrupole trap.’ and thinks it can offer antimatter storage in a device the size of an office wastebasket. His next move is to go to work on what’s in it.
HiPAT is part of the incremental work that needs doing as we build the capacity to create more antimatter and store it efficiently. But there are other storage approaches, as exemplified by the work of Japanese researcher Masaki Hori. Currently working at the Max-Planck-Institute of Quantum Optics, Hori wants to change the paradigm by using radio frequency waves rather than magnetic fields to store anti-protons. He calls his device a ’superconducting radiofrequency quadrupole trap.’ and thinks it can offer antimatter storage in a device the size of an office wastebasket. His next move is to go to work on what’s in it.
Also in Second Life News
I was on vacation all last week and had some time for a project I wanted to do. I've had a design for a house kicking around in the back of my head for awhile now, so I bought some land in a nice region of SL and built it from scratch. Check it out if you ever go into SL
Kings Bishop 64,80
Kings Bishop 64,80
The Bank Run
Wonkette has the goods on the current financial crisis in Second Life:
The current crisis revolves around Ginko Financial, a Second Life bank that was offering ludicrously high interest rates. Ginko, which is actually based in real-life Brazil, somehow, now apparently can’t just print more Second Life funny money to pay off the debts, so there’s danger of a big panic. Think of the run on the bank scene in It’s A Wonderful Life, except instead of heartfelt speeches and ordinary Americans worried about their life savings, there are big-breasted furries and forty-foot-long penises.
As panic spreads throughout the user base of the phony baloney video game/virtual porn dungeon, expect to see the John Edwards Second Life campaign headquarters torn apart by a desperate mob, its constituent pixels used to buy virtual food and huge flying turds for a terrified populace.
The current crisis revolves around Ginko Financial, a Second Life bank that was offering ludicrously high interest rates. Ginko, which is actually based in real-life Brazil, somehow, now apparently can’t just print more Second Life funny money to pay off the debts, so there’s danger of a big panic. Think of the run on the bank scene in It’s A Wonderful Life, except instead of heartfelt speeches and ordinary Americans worried about their life savings, there are big-breasted furries and forty-foot-long penises.
As panic spreads throughout the user base of the phony baloney video game/virtual porn dungeon, expect to see the John Edwards Second Life campaign headquarters torn apart by a desperate mob, its constituent pixels used to buy virtual food and huge flying turds for a terrified populace.
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Department of I-Swear-I-Am-Not-Making-This-Up
what I have wanted since I was 12 years old... a Vomit Ray!!
The plan is that riot-boffins from Pennsylvania State University's Institute of Nonlethal Defense Technology, will try the vomit-dazzle beam out on volunteers this autumn. Hopefully they'll do it on a tiled floor, or put down some plastic sheet or something.
"There's one wavelength that gets everybody," chortled Lieberman, worryingly. "Vlad calls it the evil color."
Good old Vlad. What a card.
I will pay *any* amount of money for this.
*any*
The plan is that riot-boffins from Pennsylvania State University's Institute of Nonlethal Defense Technology, will try the vomit-dazzle beam out on volunteers this autumn. Hopefully they'll do it on a tiled floor, or put down some plastic sheet or something.
"There's one wavelength that gets everybody," chortled Lieberman, worryingly. "Vlad calls it the evil color."
Good old Vlad. What a card.
I will pay *any* amount of money for this.
*any*
Saturday, August 04, 2007
Rome
I had a chance during the last few days to watch the first 11 episodes of HBO's "Rome".
Really outstanding! Well worth your time and energy, I cant wait for the second season to come out on DVD. I have to admit, I'm a late student to Roman history, but I have really enjoyed it lately as I catch up. If I were teaching a class, I'd definately use scenes out of it to teach specific principles of government, freedom, populism and class warfare.
Really well done.
Really outstanding! Well worth your time and energy, I cant wait for the second season to come out on DVD. I have to admit, I'm a late student to Roman history, but I have really enjoyed it lately as I catch up. If I were teaching a class, I'd definately use scenes out of it to teach specific principles of government, freedom, populism and class warfare.
Really well done.
Friday, August 03, 2007
Bruce v. TSA
Bruce Schneier, security expert and cryppie, interviews the head of the TSA. Question 1:
Bruce Schneier: By today's rules, I can carry on liquids in quantities of three ounces or less, unless they're in larger bottles. But I can carry on multiple three-ounce bottles. Or a single larger bottle with a non-prescription medicine label, like contact lens fluid. It all has to fit inside a one-quart plastic bag, except for that large bottle of contact lens fluid. And if you confiscate my liquids, you're going to toss them into a large pile right next to the screening station -- which you would never do if anyone thought they were actually dangerous.
Can you please convince me there's not an Office for Annoying Air Travelers making this sort of stuff up?
The answer here.
Spoiler: they are, in fact, just making shit up.
Bruce Schneier: By today's rules, I can carry on liquids in quantities of three ounces or less, unless they're in larger bottles. But I can carry on multiple three-ounce bottles. Or a single larger bottle with a non-prescription medicine label, like contact lens fluid. It all has to fit inside a one-quart plastic bag, except for that large bottle of contact lens fluid. And if you confiscate my liquids, you're going to toss them into a large pile right next to the screening station -- which you would never do if anyone thought they were actually dangerous.
Can you please convince me there's not an Office for Annoying Air Travelers making this sort of stuff up?
The answer here.
Spoiler: they are, in fact, just making shit up.
Politics + Religion = Rational Discourse
or, sometimes not. The Kansas GOP seems to be moving from a philosophical/political movement to a quasi-religion.
More worrisome for the GOP have been the high-profile defections we saw in 2006. First, the former head of the Kansas Republican Party, Mark Parkinson, left the party to become the running mate of Democratic Gov. Kathleen Sebelius. The pair won easily.
Then former Johnson County District Attorney Paul Morrison left the GOP to run for state attorney general, trouncing the Republican incumbent, Phill Kline.
There were others, and there are bound to be more now that moderate Republicans have learned the secret to beating their conservative adversaries: Avoid a losing battle in the primary, where the most-conservative voters hold sway. Switch parties and eke it out in the general, winning the support of Democrats, independents and moderate Republicans.
Maybe this isn't a loyalty issue so much as it's one of substance. To be fair, the Dems flirted with some pretty quirky ideas also when they were lost in the woods.
Personally, I vote for the candidate that makes the most sense, which means no one I have voted for has won an office in more than a decade.
Except Barney Frank and Ted Kennedy.
Yeah, yeah, I know. Kennedy. But, he's a very senior guy who knows all the rules and delivers the goods. And once in a while he stands up for things I think are right. His past is, lets say, water under the bridge,
More worrisome for the GOP have been the high-profile defections we saw in 2006. First, the former head of the Kansas Republican Party, Mark Parkinson, left the party to become the running mate of Democratic Gov. Kathleen Sebelius. The pair won easily.
Then former Johnson County District Attorney Paul Morrison left the GOP to run for state attorney general, trouncing the Republican incumbent, Phill Kline.
There were others, and there are bound to be more now that moderate Republicans have learned the secret to beating their conservative adversaries: Avoid a losing battle in the primary, where the most-conservative voters hold sway. Switch parties and eke it out in the general, winning the support of Democrats, independents and moderate Republicans.
Maybe this isn't a loyalty issue so much as it's one of substance. To be fair, the Dems flirted with some pretty quirky ideas also when they were lost in the woods.
Personally, I vote for the candidate that makes the most sense, which means no one I have voted for has won an office in more than a decade.
Except Barney Frank and Ted Kennedy.
Yeah, yeah, I know. Kennedy. But, he's a very senior guy who knows all the rules and delivers the goods. And once in a while he stands up for things I think are right. His past is, lets say, water under the bridge,
Thursday, August 02, 2007
43
FTR, today is my 43rd birthday. I am more surprised than the rest of you that I lived this long, more proof of the lack of a vengful god. Here's to another year of apostasy!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)